Esther Perel's TED talk on "Mating in Captivity: For anyone who has ever loved" has been viewed by thousands and is a talk worth watching for anyone in or not in a relationship. It eloquently and intuitively addresses the conflict between desire and monogamy. As Perel argues, "Love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery."
I have watched this talk quite a few times now in my research for understanding the sexually-controlled totalitarian planet of Tandro. Under Hedler's rule, there is a belief that family and love relationships quash desire and this is what makes people hard to control, when they cannot express desire. This is in contrast to the way our modern day Western scoiety operates, to have one partner for life, or at least try to do.
All Tandroists are given a sexual device at the age of sixteen which allows their sexual energy/aura to be released so they can experience non-physical intimacy and orgasm with anyone they choose and where it is reciprocated. This sexual device is a bespoke piece of jewellery/collar which features a coloured gem or dimaond, which represents the individual's aura and is called The Derado.
Here is an excerpt from Chapter three of Book One where hedler explains how Tandro is ruled by sexual control :
"We realised many years ago that the one, absolute and only true powerful motivator for people is desire. It is at the epicentre and heart of everything we do- whether good or bad. All your pointless wars over religion, over power, money and control, they all come back to that one powerful word, DESIRE.
In your fights over these religions, for which you live, die and kill, your ultimate desire is for a higher purpose; a life beyond the here and now, a dream land. Strip it all back to that D word, recognise it, understand and give it the respect it deserves; then you can take ultimate control and bring order for everyone.
Tandro is run entirely by desire and also driven by the quest for longevity . The Derado is given to all our people on turning sixteen. As you saw, this device simply reveals their hidden aura which allows them to mix their thoughts and desires telepathically. This gives them access to a sexual experience with any mutual consenting individual, whether male or female, older or younger. There is no promiscuity, no monogamy, and no concept of homosexuality or heterosexuality here. We had all these before, as you do now, and it simply does not work It only works as a direct force against desire!”